Gather Around Me

Making All Of Your Dreams Come True

Listen up, the kid from Pennywise’s Same Old Story music video.

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1. Don’t drink the milk out of the carton. Use a glass.

2. Don’t throw milk in your dad’s face when he points out that this issue has been discussed previously. Given how much milk ended up on your shirt, he probably has good reason.

3. Don’t skate aggressively towards little old ladies in their driveways.

4. Don’t take your frustration towards Tipper Gore’s labelling campaign out on Black Flag. The store has a Pennywise logo in the window. They’re probably not going to have a problem with you buying it. If your concern is your father’s reaction, you can always just peel it off. Note that it is already peeling AS IF THE VIDEO CLIP PRODUCERS HAD TO ADD IT, HAS ANYONE INVESTIGATED THIS RECORD STORE FOR SELLING UN-STICKERED RECORDS?

5. Don’t knock the books out of some schoolkid’s hands, you fucking bully.

6. That homeowner is well within their rights to be upset about you trespassing on their property and damaging their pool. They are legally responsible if you fuck up an olly and break your neck.

7. Don’t step through dimensional vortexes into shipping containers containing Pennywise. Also, was that dimensional vortex really necessary? He walked into one shipping container and just ended up in a different shipping container.


Anyway, that’s all.


Written by Your Friends

July 12, 2012 at 09:09:21

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