Gather Around Me

Making All Of Your Dreams Come True

An Open Letter To The Liberal Party of Victoria.

with 2 comments

Dear The Liberal Party Of Victoria,

How are you? Well, I hope! Anyway, best get down to business. I don’t have all day to be writing letters and you certainly don’t have time to be reading them. We are both “Busy Berties” and that is no mistake.

I was reading the august journal The Sunday Herald Sun this Sunday just gone, when I came across an interesting story regarding your Melton candidate, a young man with a bright future and a stupid name: Braidy Kean.

A BEER-swilling Liberal candidate has been caught out promoting 24-hour alcohol consumption, slamming police chief commissioner Simon Overland and criticising his federal leader less than two weeks before the state election.

Melton Liberal candidate Braidy Kean, 21, is running for State Parliament on the promise of “safer streets” and “more police on the beat”.

But despite the State Opposition vowing to curb the hours of Melbourne’s all-night bottle shops last year, Mr Kean is a member of a social network site called “Melton needs a 24-hour-bottle-o!”.

His Facebook page lists his candidate profile and professional portrait but also contains numerous photos of him drinking.

A Facebook posting by Mr Kean in March, likely to draw the attention of the police he hopes will “make Melton matter”, lambasts the chief commissioner.

“Simon Overland is a d—head!” it says.

Liberals’ party boy, Sunday Herald Sun, 14/11/10.

What a hack job this story is. So typical of today’s 24 hour news cycle rush to print forget the facts flat earth bullshit media. Yes, let’s visit someone’s Facebook page and call it the news. Disgusting.

See, if state politics reporter Peter Rolfe wasn’t so lazy, he would have visited Kean’s Myspace page and seen that he was in a dreadful black metal band, which would make for a far more interesting story.

Meet Ill Omen. A band whose live shows have been described as intense, insane, awesome, brutal and fucking crazy. What else would you expect from a band whose influences include Slayer, Lamb of God, Cannibal Corpse, and Led Zep – amongst others.

Their demo is available from Missing Link Records in Melbourne for $5 and contains such classics as ‘Blood Ritual’, ‘For Your Ignorance’, and ‘Silent Demise’, but if you want to hear songs like ‘Breaking the Covenant Part 1: The Great Defilement’ and ‘Breaking the Covenant Part 2: The War of Uncreation’, you WILL need to keep abreast of announcements re: Battles Of Bands in the Melton area.

Now, check out this video of the band performing Blood Ritual live at the Waterloo Cup.

Having seen this, we have a few questions for you, Liberal Party:

Does the Liberal Party endorse homophobic Necrophagist puns?

Does the Liberal Party endorse frontmen who BARELY get into it?

Does the Liberal Party still believe that “Let’s make Melton matter” is the best possible slogan to use in Kean’s campaign literature, now that they are fully aware of the apropos lyrics of The Forthcoming?

Beneath the Destruction,
Lies a hate with no function,
Before us lies death with no chance of redemption.

The earth burns,
We turn to god,
Your blind faith has failed us,
Scavenged the earth, the rest will die,
We have paided the price.

We run in fear,
Screams bellowed by tears,
We fear the night,
A death worth than torture a world wide slaughter.

Death has become our life,
The Forthcoming is upon us.

Thanks. Have a good one.


Written by Your Friends

November 14, 2010 at 06:06:06

2 Responses

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  1. Kinda makes me want to vote for him. Maybe in a few years pollies will compete with one another to bite heads off chickens onstage, etc.


    November 15, 2010 at 09:09:09

  2. Young Liberals are such fucking dweebs.


    November 15, 2010 at 11:11:11

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